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“Nobody can discover the world for somebody else. Only when we discover it for ourselves

does it become common ground and a common bond and we cease to be alone.” - Wendell Berry

Sunday, August 21, 2016

It's been almost 4 years since my last post; part of me feels like it was just yesterday, and part of me feels like it was a lifetime ago. Crafting and bloggery was every lover-of-beautiful-things' way of staying busy when we couldn't spend hours shopping because everyone was broke; if we wanted pretty things we had to make them-on the cheap. Plus, no one reads long posts anymore (thanks to Pinterest and Instagram).We just like to quickly scroll our fave accounts, pray to God they tagged the source, and go straight to the website and buy it for ourselves (praying this time that it's cheap or on sale!!)- so much faster yes, but being a lover of pretty and powerful words, lyrics, & quotes, the pictures themselves lack connection. Plus, we used to have music to our blog-which made it even more emotional. Ugh!! I miss it! Where is mine anyway? I'll have to check.

I'm not quite sure what made me even look at this blog again. Actually, I guess I do know. A friend of mine who inspires me in all things found it a few months back and I looked at it then. It was like a time capsule-I hadn't come here in so long...it made me sad in a way, and a little embarrassed. I thought this part of me was long gone-the creative, reflective, softer side of me that used to tear up when I saw a sweet phrase or when I thought about how much I loved Haley. Life had hardened me some and I guess it WAS gone for a while-at least on the surface- and replaced with other hobbies, obligations, and maybe even a little emotional self-preservation.
Truthfully, no one will read this and I'm totally fine with that because I'm not the writer I wish I was anyway-though that wasn't really the intent of this blog in the first place. I only wanted to journal some of my time with Haley, and show off some of my McGuyvery skills. I'm glad I left this little blog up because it reminds me of who I was back then-the things I liked, the things I didn't-not about my decorating skills or how my tastes have changed- though they have, but rather the growth that's taken place in my heart and mind.

One thing i remember about blogging and crafting is I wanted the house to look perfect. I wanted my decorations to stay in the same spot without being shuffled around or toyed with, and I wanted my house to look like all the pretty magazine pics that had been staged for hours by professionals for a few good shots then loaded back in the truck for the next shoot. So ridiculous and completely unrealistic when you have a kid-or so I think...there were still those bloggers whose house looked perfect with 11 kids running around and homeschooling all day...talk about feeling inadequate haha. I was that way for about a year. I hated it. I kind of felt trapped by my own good intentions. On one hand I knew I wanted a pretty house and I knew there was nothing wrong with wanting to create a warm space for myself and my family, but on the other, I wanted my house to be lived in, and filled with love and warmth. So I struggled every day with trying to balance both and as dumb as this sounds, it was stressful.
Another thing I remember is Haley and I would craft together, and I miss that. Life got busy, as it always does, and the hours we spent together doing crafts turned to a few minutes here and there, to not being worth getting everything out anymore. I don't really remember when it happened, but we stopped. Now she's older, and has her own thing going, and I kind of step in and do what I can to maintain a connection with her. So for me, yesterday it was cutting and coloring her hair. Being a DIY-er and a cheapass when it comes to things I know I can easily do myself, saving money, time, & stress (how many times has a person paid $100 for a cut and color they didn't really like?!?!), I'd rather spend that time creating a memory with her. Luckily, she likes the color, and if she didn't and it was a horrible fail, I would have only been out $11, and we would have professionally gotten it fixed. Sure, it would have been a horrible time then, but again, something to look back on and laugh.
 
So I'm back, for now, hoping to document here and there some of the things unique to me and my small life, only hoping to share some of my adventures no matter how little, and in 5 years, I might look back on THIS post, and be surprised at where I am. 




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